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> Light Up Your Day, Sit back & have a good laugh
JKFAZER
post Nov 2 2006, 08:41 PM
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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********


Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********


Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********


Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********


Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********


Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs
???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

**********


Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********


Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
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JKFAZER
post Nov 2 2006, 08:45 PM
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Do you know why girls don't keep thier mobiles in shirt pocket?
B'coz can't get signals near hills & mountains


BOYS PLEDGE:
America is our nation,
Girls are our destination,
Flirting is our Profession,
Dating is our Occupation,
to hell with our Education.


GIRLS POLICY:
Fraud with innocent boys;
Fun with Handsome boys;
Friendship with Smart boys;
Love with Faithful boys;
Marriage with Rich boys.


A girl and boy sitting alone. The boy started touching the girl.
GIRL: Don't touch me, all this only after marriage...
BOY: OK, call me when you are married.

A boy from third class asked his teacher, can a girl of my age have babies?
She said, "What? NEVER"
Boy told the girl sitting next, "See, I told you not to worry"
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Denden
post Nov 3 2006, 01:18 AM
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QUOTE (JKFAZER @ Nov 2 2006, 08:41 PM)
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********


Oh!!! that's new.... all along I thought it stands for Wash, Iron, f**k Etc.. : drink :
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saintdudu
post Nov 4 2006, 07:19 PM
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Lending a helping hand..
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saintdudu
post Nov 4 2006, 10:35 PM
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Can u do this?
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saintdudu
post Nov 4 2006, 10:39 PM
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Will their oxygen run out???

Guys.. i think someone will love this.. :P
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eazie
post Nov 4 2006, 10:58 PM
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Ah Du ah........
Exam over now u very free liao....ah.
Great joke Hahaha... Heheheh.... Kekekek......

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saintdudu
post Nov 4 2006, 11:58 PM
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QUOTE (eazie @ Nov 4 2006, 10:58 PM)
Ah Du ah........
Exam over now u very free liao....ah.
Great joke Hahaha... Heheheh.... Kekekek......

yeap.. i happy must share with all mah.... :)
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shebiker
post Nov 5 2006, 09:59 AM
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QUOTE (saintdudu @ Nov 4 2006, 03:58 PM)
QUOTE (eazie @ Nov 4 2006, 10:58 PM)
Ah Du ah........
Exam over now u very free liao....ah.
Great joke Hahaha... Heheheh.... Kekekek......

yeap.. i happy must share with all mah.... :)

yeah... I agree he very very eng now... hahaha

and yes... I love that game...but too expensive for my pocket unless U are paying for it.... it's cheaper to let him loose in a playground... hahahaha : berry gd :
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spectrum
post Nov 6 2006, 11:31 PM
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Berri Funny...
:clap: :hahaha: :clap: :hahaha: :clap:
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JKFAZER
post Nov 6 2006, 11:42 PM
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One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and
wanted to get down to the ground floor.

As they looked at the dial , they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G.

As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea
what does the letter G mean.

Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and
hit G.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?"

The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

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JKFAZER
post Nov 6 2006, 11:45 PM
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Long time ago in the western part of
Malaysia, a rich tycoon wanted to
know how happy a man can be if you
can give him one wish . After many
advices from his "Kay-Po" friends, he
decided to select 3 people to test out
his experiment.

The rules are :

1.The person can only have 1 wish.
2.The person will be put on a
deserted island for 30 years.
3.They have to come back after
the experiment to tell the world
about their experiences.
4.Food (not liquor) will be provided.

After shortlisting 3 person from a
possible pool of 3,000,000 ; they
were given a press conference to say
what they want to bring along to the
island for 30 years.

Contestant #1 : Billy Klinton (USA)

"I want to have the 30 prettiest
PLAYBOY centrefold girls so that I
can make the most beautiful babies in
the world"
p/s : PLAYBOY is the magazine where
beautiful women have no money to buy clothes.

Contestant #2 : Jon Mayjor (UK)

"I want to have 30 years supplies of
Booze" p/s : Booze is liquor

Contestant #3 : Ah Beng (SGP)

"I want Saa-Lim (Salim in English)
Cigarettes. 30 years supplies so I can
smoke until I song"
p/s : Salim is the green packet
cigarette cost 11.50 per pack

30 long years later, the 3 heros came
back from their long adventure.

The world is eager to hear what the 3
men have to say .......

1.Billy was at the press conference
with close to 200 children and
30 estranged women. His first
remark to the press : "It has
been a long sexual experience for
me and I am just wondering
whether anyone care to buy a
child. I will even throw in the
Mother for Free".

2.Jon was still suffering from the
hangovers of the booze he had
the night before BUT managed to
muster enough effort to shout
"God save the BEER. The Queen
can drink the seawater".

3.Surprisingly, Ah Beng brought
back all his cigarette and on
first sight of the people, his
first remarks were

" $%^*#?x!! (Very vulgar Hokkien Words)
Buay Kee Tua lighter leh !!
(Forget my lighter in English) "

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JKFAZER
post Nov 6 2006, 11:46 PM
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Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single
day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have
been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired,you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"
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JKFAZER
post Nov 7 2006, 12:44 AM
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3 mice were sitting at a bar talking about
how tough they were.

The first mouse slams a shot and says,
"I play with mouse traps for fun.
I'll run into one on purpose and as
it is closing on me, I grab the bar
and bench press it 20 or 30 times." And,
with that, he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says,
"That's nothing. I take those poison bait
tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for
the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other,
then turn to the third mouse and ask,
"Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies,
"I'm going home to f**k the cat."
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JKFAZER
post Nov 7 2006, 01:07 AM
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Stanley Livingston, in deepest Africa, finds a cannibal restaurant. The specialty of the day is brains - fried doctor brains for twenty bucks, sauteed architect brains for twenty-five bucks, and roasted attorney brains for two hundred bucks. Livingston, perplexed, asks the waiter why the attorney brains are so costly. The waiter snorts, "Do you know what a job it is to clean those suckers?"
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JKFAZER
post Nov 7 2006, 01:17 AM
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Check this out...

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used
tos ell caps for a living, and roam around several villages. One day he
would be in Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad.

It was an afternoon in summer and he was traversing the vast plains
when he felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango
tree with lots of branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps
beside him and went to sleep.

Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after
a refreshing little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his
bag! "Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all
people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute
monkeys wearing colourful caps!

He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at
them and found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw a stone at
them and they showered him with raw mangoes.

"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said. Frustrated, he took
off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. And lo, the stupid
monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second,
collected the caps and was on his way.


50 Years later ....

Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also
working hard at making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the
same jungle. After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice
mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade. Abdul decided to
rest a while and very soon was fast asleep. A few hours later, when
Abdul woke up, he realised that all the caps from his bag were gone!
Abdul started searching for the same and to his surprise found some
monkeys sitting on mango tree wearing his caps. Abdul was
frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story his
grandfathers proudly used to let him.

"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul. "I'll make them
imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!"

Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at Abdul
Abdul blew his nose -- the Monkeys blew their noses
Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were also dancing
Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears
Abdul raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands
Abdul threw his cap on the ground ............
........ one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree, picked the
cap, walked upto Abdul; slapped him and said "Idiot!!! Do you think
ONLY YOU HAVE A GRANDFATHER?????"

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smokin
post Nov 8 2006, 03:34 AM
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Men are Happier!

Men are just simply happier people, and here is why...
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!

:nana:
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Denden
post Nov 8 2006, 10:19 AM
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QUOTE (smokin @ Nov 8 2006, 03:34 AM)
The world is your urinal.




That's my favourite... somehow marking territories has got a sense of fulfilment... :nana:
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AC_Devil64
post Nov 14 2006, 11:56 PM
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.. Hope this can release your stress away. Have a nice day ahead ....

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew
pau up until it had bruises on its pau body.

Siew Pau loose in the fight and went back to tell all the paus family;

kaya pau, tau SA pau, curry pau, and etc.

So together?.. all paus went to find maggi mee for revenge.

On the way... they met Spaghetti?.. . so all pau ran to Spaghetti and
BEAT
the hell up on Spaghetti that Spaghetti can't say a word,Spaghetti
then
scream...

"WHAT DID I DO? I don't even know you all"???.

Then the siew pau say??..

"HEH! MAGGI MEE! Don't think I can't recognize you after you do
REBONDING!"
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orangefazer
post Nov 19 2006, 03:04 PM
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An exchange of faxes between a loving & understanding couple ....

Fax from Husband to Wife...

Dear Wife,

You will sure understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.
Therefore after reading this fax, you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be perturbed.
I shall be back home before midnight.

Honestly,
Your Husband.X


Reply by the wife:

My Dear Husband,
I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18-years old.
As a successful businessman with your excellent knowledge of math's, you will understand that we are in a same situation, although with one small difference.

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow!
Your Dear Wife XX
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